


“Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.”

by maddiebug



Series: Vaguely based off of John Mulaney quotes [6]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Lovesquare, adrigami, minor loveeater spoilers, no beta we die like men, too late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddiebug/pseuds/maddiebug
Summary: "Yeah, he was not a “spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down” kind of guy. He was more like, “Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.” Bittenbinder, he didn’t want us to not get kidnapped. He wanted us to almost get kidnapped and then fight the guy off using weird, psych-out, back-room Chicago violence."-John Mulaney, "Street Smarts," Kid Gorgeous at Radio City





	“Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Yeah, he was not a “spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down” kind of guy. He was more like, “Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That’s life.” Bittenbinder, he didn’t want us to not get kidnapped. He wanted us to almost get kidnapped and then fight the guy off using weird, psych-out, back-room Chicago violence."  
-John Mulaney, "Street Smarts," Kid Gorgeous at Radio City

Ladybug arrived early to patrol, only to see her partner already sitting, staring into the distance. "Chat, are you okay?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "I don't think so."

"What's wrong?"

"Do you ever feel like you aren't in control? Like you can be happy, you can't choose what you want?"

"Maybe sometimes?" Ladybug hadn't felt like that since Adrien broke up with her. She couldn't control that. "What do you mean?"

"I made the biggest mistake of my life." He took a breath. "I broke up with the most amazing woman I know, to protect her."

"That's so sweet." 

"Yeah, but somehow, now I'm getting married to someone else, because my father is making me."

"Oh. Oh no, kitty, I'm so sorry." Ladybug shook her head. "I'm just frustrated that my ex is marrying someone, even though he promised he would wait for me."

"What a douche." He laughed.

"Right?" Ladybug rolled her eyes. "He was all 'i love you, but recant be together. It's not safe.' And we broke up. Which First of all, I'm Ladybug, I can protect myself, Second, it's not like he was Chat Noir. I should've been worried about his safety."

"I told her I would wait. She didn't give me a chance to explain. How can I explain an arranged marriage?"

"Do you at least like the girl you're marrying?"

"I mean, we're friends. But she's not the one."

"I know how you feel. Sometimes you can't control everything."

Chat Noir chuckled bitterly. "Brush your teeth. Now boom, Orange juice. That's life."

"Mint and Orange?"

"A classic flavor combination."

"I was going to say an unusual one. That doesn't sound appetizing-"

"It made for a very awkward ice cream date when we were 15."

"What?"

"Andre insisted it would work great together-"

"No."

"I mean I didn't like it either, but we are compatible."

"Are you happy with her?"

"I guess?"

"Adrien. Tell me the truth." Ladybug grabbed his arm. "Are you happy with her?"

"No. Not as happy as I was with Mari-" Chat froze. "How do you know my name?"

"You kinda gave it away buggaboy."

"I'm Chat Noir right now, that's not even funny."

"I think it's hilarious." 

"Ugh."

"But seriously, I will crash your wedding. I will object and run away with you if you want me to."

"Or we could run away now. Get a legal marriage."

"I'd do that if you would."

"Ladybug, of course I do, this is so unexpected, I never knew you felt that way about me-"

"You should probably know my name, if we're going to get Married." 

"That would be fair. Since you apparently know mine."

"Mari."

"Yes ill Marry you."

"My name is Mari. Short for Marinette."

Chat tilted his head and stared at Ladybug. "No way."

"Yeah."

"I fell in love with the most amazing woman on the planet twice? How could I be so lucky?"

"Well, my model ex boyfriend is my dorky best friend partner, so I'm definitely lucky."

Chat kissed her hand. "I love you ladybug and I will always love you."

"I love you too."

He smiled and gave a little wave. "I hope you find someone who loves you."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I can't betray Kagami."

"But you said you loved me." Marinettes voice cracked.

"I do. But I'm engaged to her."

"And so I mean nothing?"

"No. You're my everything. But its not safe for us to be together. Hawking could target both of us and-"

"You're a coward."

"I'm sorry?"

"You Will never be satisfied like this. If you let life control you, then you Will always feel defeated."

"That's who I am now."

"Really? Brush your teeth, Orange juice, that Will be the rest of your life with her."

"At least I know what to expect. Blackberry and mint was kind of a wildcard anyways."

"So you don't think we could work?"

"I know we can. But I also know that I committed to Kagami."

"But you don't love her."

"I care about her. Isnt that basically the same thing? Shouldnt that be enough?"

Ladybug shrugged. "You tell me."

"Brush my teeth, boom. Orange juice. That's my life. It's always been like that and it always will be."

"You're afraid of change. For all of your destruction you're afraid of chaos"

"Maybe. But I'm not afraid to lose the ones I love to protect them."

"If you lose them, is it worth it?"

"Absolutely."

"That's where we have to disagree."

I love you. Goodbye."

"See you at the wedding."

"Youll be there?"

"Yeah, I'm one if Kagami's bridesmaids. I wouldn't miss it. You're my best friends and I want you to be happy. Even if I don't think this is what you need. Ill support you."

"Wow, Marinette you're a very good friend."

"Yeah. I know."

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favorite john mulaney quotes and it fit so well with what happened in loveeater that I had to write this.


End file.
